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Unconditional Love

July 27, 2016

 

For those of you who know me, or have followed my posts on social media, you’re aware that I had nasal surgery a little over a week ago, and I’m happy to report that everything tu

 

 

rned out really well. As far as I know, I didn’t ask any embarrassing questions while I was emerging from anesthesia, but did inquire a few times, if I still had my nose. Guess that was on my mind, LOL.

 

The polyp was removed completely and was found to be benign...hallelujah! My severely deviated septum was corrected and I can now breathe through my nose, better than ever, and most importantly, I never had to “out” myself as trans, and was able to keep my boxers on during the procedure...or at least, they put them back on before I woke up. (I’m just kidding!)

 

So now, the only thing to do is to fully recover and heal. Once the fog of the pain meds lifted, I had a few days to relax and reflect, and it got me thinking about the important and ever-present people in my life. I am truly blessed to have an amazing family and core group of friends, and I feel like the luckiest person on Earth. And above all else, there have been two beautiful souls that have weathered the ups and downs, and many changes in my life, unlike anyone else...my two dogs, Dolly and Madison. These girls have been by my side before I transitioned, they survived the storms during my transition, and emerged healthier and happier right along with me.

 

Over the years, I know I have taken them for granted and at times, didn’t even appreciate their affection and love, but I am happy that I still have the opportunity to ask them for their forgiveness and vow to do better. Here are two little creatures, that have loved me unconditionally from the very beginning, have trusted that I will always take care of them and attend to their needs, and when I fall short of those expectations, still run to me with a sparkle in their eyes, a palpable joy, and pure love. 

 

Even though my family has been very supportive throughout my transition, there were times when I worried that they would leave or that our relationship would drastically change, but my relationship with Dolly and Madison was different. It was the one constant that I had in a time of complete upheaval. The simplest gesture of licking the tears from my face was enough to show me that I was never alone. Looking back, it seems as if I transitioned in a blink of an eye, but then remember the process I went through to become my most authentic self. It didn’t happen overnight and at times, the changes were embarrassing and painful. When I first began on testosterone, I gained a lot of weight, was very irritable (ok, I was a down-right Ass!), and my voice began to crack and deepen. Everyone around me noticed these changes, whether they said so or not, but it was my dogs who never flinched. Never did they avoid me or ask me about the changes, and I was never embarrassed being around them. Even when my voice would make the strangest squeaks, they acted as if that was the way I always sounded. And as the years have gone by, I have drastically changed physically, but again, my girls are always happy to see me, always recognize me, and always love me.

 

This may seem strange or maybe even funny, but to me, their unconditional love of any version of myself, made all the difference, and being at home with them gave me a safe place to hide where I knew I would be ok and accepted.  It was this love that gave me a reason to live, to get up each day and to take a risk and live my truth, because I knew that I had my very own fan club cheering me on.

 

Now that the girls are getting older, and Madison is nearing the end of her journey, I am in awe of the care and concern that they have given me and I’m honored to be in their presence each and every day. I couldn’t have made it this far without them, and I owe a debt of gratitude to these two magnificent souls. They have touched my heart so deeply and have given me so much joy, that I strive to be a better person, just to make them proud. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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