I may be a little late for a New Year's blog post, but at least its still January!
As last year came to an end, I had written a post that reflected on the year and how 2016 fell short of my expectations & plan. To be blunt, I believed it sucked. But, for some reason, I kept putting off publishing it. In the last couple of days, however, it has become clear as to why...it wasn’t finished. Not in the sense that I literally hadn’t finished the post, but more like, it wasn’t what I really needed/wanted to say.
The previous draft was dark, and detailed how 2016 had failed me. How it was a tough year, personally and professionally, and how I blamed a whole host of “circumstances” for why it sucked. At the time, I didn’t realize it had such a negative spin, but something clicked recently, and a positive shift is taking place. So, just as, “Out with the old & in with the new”, can apply to a calendar year, it can also apply to my attitude and thinking.
When I first released my book, Taking The Scenic Route To Manhood (Insert shameless plug: available on my website, Amazon.com & iTunes), and began my speaking career, I told myself that I didn’t need a Plan B, because my Plan A was rock solid, it was my destiny and passion. I would make it as an author and professional speaker, and that was that. Well, according to many Internet sources, a plan is, “a method for achieving an end...a detailed proposal for doing or achieving something”. Somewhere along the way, I have lost sight of this definition, and have adopted an all-or-nothing attitude. My “Plans” haven’t been about a method or proposal, but instead have been a rigid map of how to force my future, and the slightest deviation from the plan, has opened me up to believing my fears, that I can’t do it. I have forgotten to be open-minded, pliable to change and willing to make some detours on the way to my goals. I’ve also realized that my plan/goals were too vague and I didn’t have the clarity and specifics, as to what I was really working toward...the “Why”. Without having a clear path or any leeway or fluidity as to how I might achieve said plans, I have set myself up for disappointment, and self doubt.
Clearly, 2017 is off to a very deep and reflective start, LOL.
My goals have not changed. I know that I have a story to tell, and I will continue to share it, but first I must relax, work smarter and ask for help, to achieve the success I dream for myself. It’s no longer about needing, or not needing a Plan B, C, or D, but learning to enjoy the journey, and watching it unfold in front of me. When I first began my transition, back in 2008, I remember starting hormone therapy and everyday waking up with a sense of wonder, a curiosity and excitement, as to the physical changes that may or may not have occurred while I was asleep. Rarely, did I notice big changes from one day to the next, but that didn’t stop me from racing to the mirror. There was a simple beauty in the process. A child-like anticipation, for what’s to come. That is what’s missing from my life, today. The wonderment of how my story continues.
So, I leave 2016 in the past, alongside every other year that has come and gone, and I welcome my future, however that unfolds. I will continue to work toward my dreams and goals, but will do so without putting so much pressure on myself for sticking to an invisible and unnecessary agenda, and allow the time and space to take in the beauty of the moment. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, or what path I follow, it only matters that I continue to move forward.
Happy New Year, everyone! Remember to go easy on yourself and to enjoy the ride!